australiansanta:

a fun and interesting fact about me is that im a fucking idiot

87,012 notes

speedlimit15:

*pronounces “hors d’oeuvres” as “horse divorce”*

50,497 notes

thefangirlnoonelikes:

captainthief:

misfitreindeer:

what if people’s hair changed color based on their emotions

like one day you’re out getting a cup of coffee and you notice some cutie in the back of the coffeeshop and your hair starts turning bright pink and you do you best to try to hide it but you can’t help but look over and

they’re just sitting there, staring at you, their face as flushed as their locks

What about bald people

Skin

3,332 notes

skeletalroses:

Life hack: conquer your fear of the dark by becoming the thing other people fear in the dark.

57,548 notes

asian:

I just want good eyebrows and maybe a new face

55,446 notes

exactable:

I wish I could illegally download clothes

(Source: exactable)

242,319 notes

cradily:

will you still love me when i no longer ball so fuckin hard

85,677 notes

sexhaver:

i knew a dude in college who kept an old Smirnoff bottle full of water on his desk and would casually chug straight out of it in the middle of conversations with new people in order to establish dominance

28,669 notes

patunes:

the worst part of summer is when the back to school commercials come on

27,583 notes

sadcisco:

Do u ever see a girl and ur like oh my god I love life

(Source: bbadsuns)

86,293 notes

thealphapigeon:

-annoying:

you know my name not my

Overwhelming desire to become a pigeon. Words cannot express my dire need to have beautiful grey feathers and glorious wings so that I may fly and feast upon dropped hotdogs and breadcrumbs.

75,299 notes

foxnewsofficial:

stop being too cool to enjoy things

18,620 notes

pitayaz:

i just want a hug, chocolate and you

9,881 notes

thewriters-blog:

If you ever feel like you’ve screwed up, just remember that in 1348 the Scots thought it would be a good idea to invade England because the English were weakened by the Plague. They subsequently caught the plague themselves, went back to Scotland, and killed half their own population.

36,362 notes

sassykardashian:

my heart says yes but my bank balance says no

(Source: sassykardashian)

288,640 notes